Fifty + Years Loneliness (IV)

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or, I remember my first “fall in Love”

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I thought that it is time to have a look back at my memory and dare to write another capital; in the name of the first love.

It is surely not something new but it is always a brand new feeling for a young one which would never forget. I am not a romantic archetype as I have uttered now and then. But I had a dramatic childhood, therefore, became very sensitive and I had worked on it all through my life. Though, this trauma still remains.

At the beginning to recognize my feelings towards the opposite gender I fell in love with many girls; for example, I remember one of my cousins (I had a lot of them) whom I had played a lot of times with, once when I had been visiting at my uncle’s, wanted to play with her and run to her room, there I saw her sleeping; in a white gown with her long hair falling on her shoulders; I fell in love with her at once, though it didn’t last a long time and in the next day I had forgotten her! 😁😳

And there were many young actresses in the movies whom I fell in love with; I even fell in love with Brigitte Bardot though she was some older than me.

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I had also kissing plays with my other cousins as we saw in the movies but, I should tell them another time.

In the time after my father’s death, mother tried in every way to get money, one of them was to rent the ground floor, and it’s occupied by a young family (a young man with his young wife and a newborn child) and there began my first sex affair!

    She was crazy; the young beautiful girl liked and wanted me very much! Every little moment I could get to their apartment, she embraced and hugged me heartily, I was just a child those days and didn’t know anything about sex or maybe I did? There was something to attract me to see her, being near to her. Once I was again alone and run downstairs on the yard to look through their window, in which was looking through their sleeping room, and recognized them lying on their bed, and playing with their newborn baby; when she saw me called me in immediately, I get inside at once! She got me to the bed, let her husband enjoyed playing with the baby and hugged me to her almost naked body, kissed me tight and what else I can’t remember or was not aware of it.

You might think of child abuse but I don’t think so; she had never tried to make it secret with me. I think she was one of very seldom woman or a human who didn’t believe in any social morality or any forbidden zone for free feeling and free-living, I suppose her husband even knew it and accepted it because in this evening he was playing with his baby happily and even when he was very amused calling us to see what the baby already was doing, and we’re too busy to observe any of their action, wasn’t very important for him and he continued playing.  Maybe it was because of me, being a child and not a serious rival! I’d never know, but once she got farther and on a hot summer day when we were all swimming in the pool in our yord, she, swimming towards me, and saying clearly laud “making love in the water”, hugged me and began to kiss me! There, mother cried out that it’s enough for us children and must get out of the water!! I think she wasn’t aware of what she was doing, she might be too honest of course, otherwise, she could do it hidden to me anything she wanted, if she minded something badly!? Mother was a free thinker, but unfortunately not so far, and threw them out of the house, and our affair has been ended so soon.

After that, mother thought it’s better to rent the upstairs because we could use the garden more easily, and she had rented it to a very normal family; but, they were often being visited by a young girl, a very beautiful one, and of course, I fell in love with her too! And Al didn’t want to ignore her as well; we weren’t therefore always a good playmate! For the first time, we became competitors!! She was a nutty girl I must add here and be enjoying a game to turn us both crazy at the beginning, but in the end, she was suddenly crazy after me. Shirin was her name and One evening, we were in the yard and I heard them discussing loudly on the balcony, and I looked up, saw her beautiful face, keep staring at her, she looked down at me, and she kept staring too, I can clearly see her on the balcony upstairs how she almost eats me with her beautiful eyes.
She came down and told me that we should play; a hidden game. You know, one closes the eyes and the others try to hide somewhere. it was obvious there would happen something and it happened; I found her in a small room in the backyard and when I got her she was so agitated that she hurt herself on her arm. I was so sorry but she laughed and said: kiss it! I was shocked at a moment and in the next moment when I did want to kiss her arm, she withdrew it. What a dumb was I!

Anyway, after that, some weeks later they moved out and I had never heard of her anymore. I don’t know why but it was my first deeply falling love and I’ll never forget it, as I might say; No no, here’s looking at you kid, we have always Paris.

  

Oh yes, you must just remember this, a kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh, The fundamental things apply
As time goes by
Never forget your first love. because it is one of the most important events in your whole life. Have a nice weekend dear friends. 🙏💖🙏

12 thoughts on “Fifty + Years Loneliness (IV)

  1. Ah, thank you Aladin for sharing your tender heart with us! Especially the stories of how you met your first love and the wild, intensity of sexual feelings that break out during our teenage years. Although I didn’t fall in love, I do remember my first kiss and how immense it felt at the time. My heart was beating so hard and I was besotted for months afterwards! Loving Nat King Cole’s “Autumn Leaves” … just beautiful! Love and blessings, Deborah.

    Liked by 1 person

    • So! It is clear to me that your words are the essential things for my success. It means to me a lot. but don’t worry if you might miss your duty, I will survive. Anyway. outer jokes, I am honestly always waiting if you had a look at my words. I am not sure but it seems that it is very important to me.
      Anyway, back to love. I understood what you meet but I think there is a huge difference therebetween, the first love, in the Orient than in the Occident. This wonderful free society of the girls and boys as it goes usually in the western countries is not usual in this damn Islamic countries, therefore, the first look, the first passing by, the first scent, is the highlight in such societies. It might sound so exciting but I’d prefer to have it in the other way. Though, thank you, my LOVE, to tell me about your first kiss; it makes me jealous a little bit, I don’t know why.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Aladin, you remind me of the ordinary freedoms that I forget when you talk about how it was for you growing up in the East. The differences, as you describe them, seem great. I have no idea but I’m guessing that Germany is more relaxed with sexuality than here in England … I might be wrong? But wherever we live in the world those first furtive kisses electrify our hearts, bodies, spirits and souls. Thank you for sharing your first love stories with us.

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      • Thank you first my dear friend, your words and wisdom means to me a lot. Though I don’t think that in Germany it’s easier than in the UK, even the German have a horrible conservative moral about relationship! Of course except the younger generation. But you are absolutely right,the first experience is the highest one in everybody’s life . 🙏❤😘😘

        Liked by 1 person

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